| Oh little did i know... that change (as referred to in my last post) was an actual change...it changed more than i could have ever imagined...it changed me...it changed how i thought about things...it changed the way i felt...it changed my faith and trust in people...it changed my desires...it changed who i thought i was...or was supposed to be... im not saying it was a "bad" change...but its change...its a new perspective...its not exactly done changing yet, but its close to the end...(i hope)...my patience and willingness is being tested...my hope will either be restored or shattered...my trust will either flourish or fade away...im not sure of my place anymore in this change...im not sure what ive changed and what ive allowed to be changed...i just know things are different...my thoughts are different...my longings are different...my view is somewhat different... honestly it scares me...but i know its like this for a purpose...i know ill see it someday...i just wonder how much longer i can hold out for this to reveal itself...im scared that i let this change come in and change to much...but maybe thats the way its supposed to be...i don't know...and no longer will i try to find out...it drains me on all scales to try and figure this out...ill let things happen...ill let them fall the way they are supposed to...i want to step out and see how things turn out, but thats not realistic...ill stay and take what is coming...its meant to be that way... |
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| change.....
some people are scared of you and avoid you....i welcome you...and im ready for you... |
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| it starts in 3 days!! im excited and ready to GO!!
the summer looks to be very promising...im excited to see how it all unfolds...excited is an understatement though i do believe...this is a new feeling, a good new feeling and i dont ever want to lose it...and it looks like i won't have too...
its funny how sometimes a song or two go right along with the way your feeling...i love finding songs that match exactly where i am...it helps to reassure things in a way...
i want to go swimming!!! who wants to go?! im ready to go!!
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| things are turning out differently than i thought they would...which is a very good thing. it's amazing the things you finally understand when you truly and deeply seek.
i want something real...i'm on the verge...i want something that will last...i feel it's almost here...and i'm ready...i've been prepared for this...i welcome this possible change with a big smile...
i love sitting with You and enjoy learning Your ways...finding the trueness You are...understanding the great One You alone are... |
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| empty...
i'm trying to breathe....i'm inhaling...nothing's there...i gasp in an effort to fill my lungs...
nothing....
i'm tired of not being able to breathe in this breath that will satisfy...that will provide...
why is it i can't seem to breathe? why is it i can't seem to get back to the basics of life? of my life?...i try in vain...but i'm not willing to give up....
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